order of events

i decided to write a brief order of what my trailer is going to include;

. Open on eerie music in a black out as light lifts up to see Jack rocking in his chair crying, then starts laughing. (this will be a creepy opening which will make the audience want to know whats happening and why he is like that)
. The next scene will be him with his friends having a laugh watching tele and then suggsts going to the park
. we see them walking to the park continuing to have a laugh and then they get to the park
. we then see his friends dead on the floor with him laughing hystericaly over them with blood on his hands
. There will be a clip at the funeral of his friends with him crying obiously not nowing how they died

i think this trailer will be effective and it will work well to get the point of schitzophrenia across